Router Frustrations III: The Trillogy

Today started with breakfast, and then running out into the cold to the Cablevision Walk-In service center to obtain a new cable modem, to connect to my cable internet. I swapped my old modem for the new one, to match my shiny new router, and my shiny new NAS. I plug it in, I get it setup, again with some difficulty as everything has been for the past few days… I watch my router disconnect and reconnect from the Internet.

I attempt to mess with some router settings, try some speed tests and look at my new modem to see how it is handling and then it happens, my router turns off, then on again. This is what we call cycling, you can think of it as my router resetting itself. In a fit of frustration, and many deep breaths, I dial the Cablevision Technical support line. After listening to the amount I owe on the current cable bill, I dial a series of numbers that resemble mores code to reach the Cablevision Technical Support. I have not had a bad experience with these guys, they are eager, friendly, helpful, and able to comprehend the situation. I don’t remember his name but I tell him mine, and lay out, in detail, the things I have done to my network to ensure that he knows that I am: a) not dumb, b) not joking around, c) not a telemarketer conducting a survey about his preference in boneless jerk chicken flavor – Jamaican or Neo-Soul Caribian (I have a personal preference for Hispanic Flavor myself).

After talking to the technician about all things related to my router, what its serial number is, the shape, its aerodynamic design and contour as it relates to my desk, how many wires are plug into it, how my cable is split, if my cable performs an American Style Split or European Style Split, the name of my router, it’s serial number, my registration permit for being armed with a broadband connection, we come to several conclusions: my internet connection does NOT like me uploading. This is bad news – it means that when I stream, my modem will cycle. It means when I enter Second Life, my modem will cycle. This means when I attempt to perform broadband tests my modem will cycle. Thus turning my shiny new modem into a bicycle, one that has a hard seat that is being pushed WAY too far up my butt.

The tech does his best, he even puts me on hold and says “I’m going to ask someone a question, I’ll be right back!” First, how many techs do you know admit to not knowing the answer to your question? Second, he told me what he asked and told his senior tech, and he said that his senior tech did not believe him, so he showed him the logs of what was going on. he comes back and essentially pauses, attempting a few more tests, while I ask him “sounds like you haven’t dealt with this before.” He says something to the effect that not even his senior tech quite understands what’s going on. Lets translate this into English – “DUDE! You’re fucked! You’re like the only person that this has ever happened to, and we’re not sure what to attribute it to. Your in the Murphy’s Law Zone, what will go wrong, does go wrong, you don’t get a shopping back or sticker or t-shirt, just a lot of brown stuff dumped on top of you, where you are buried in high and deep, and twiddle your fingers until we can send someone out to your place of residence to help solve your problem. I hope you had no plans for your Internet tonight!”

Actually I did… I had a plan to do a show that I was going to be paid for… I had to send that e-mail out to the Electric Sheep Company who hired me for a private AOL Pointe event tonight. I had planned for an event LAST night that I had to call on backup – and because gMail did not like my net connection I missed a flurry of e-mail messages from an event coordinator. I have an event tomorrow for RadioRadio, ASpiRE has me doing the iVilliage fashion show on Monday… and my status of me doing these events along with being a reliable, consistent and professional online/virtual DJ, are up in the air right about now.

So here I am, stuck, dealing with a visit from Tech Support mid-day tomorrow. Dealing with my ability to continue to DJ consistently up in the air. Dealing with my ability to be in virtual worlds up in the air, because my net connection is not liking me. Hopefully tomorrow things will resolve themselves… I’m going to play some Wii boxing to relieve myself! ARRRG!!!

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